¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, how

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-22 385

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are several reason why people get a job. Someone would like to achieve their dream by doing what they like, others want to make money for being happy with their loved family and friends. Employers also want to make more profits that might cause employees' overlord work. Everybody dream to manage proper work-life balance, but most people don't think that it can be accomplished without money. That's why many people are willing to do overtime work although, they can't enjoy their daily life with loved ones. Our government has implemented few regulations to boost people's life. The limitation working hours by 40 in a week is the representative trial. However, There were many people who would like to take overtime duties because they can't afford to keep their family without extra income. To solve these problem, companies have to change in positive way such as provide more annual leave, raise salary per hour and give extra money in special days like summer vacation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day to you Mr. Hwang! ^^ It's nice to have a conversation with you today! I appreciate your essays too! ^^ Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
There are several reason why people get a job. 
>>> There are several reasons why people get a job. 
Someone would like to achieve their dream by doing what they like, others want to make money for being happy with their loved family and friends.
>>> Someone would like to achieve their dreams by doing what they like, others want to make money for being happy with their loved ones and friends.
 Employers also want to make more profits that might cause employees' overwork. 
>>> CORRECT
Everybody dream to manage proper work-life balance, but most people don't think that it can be accomplished without money.
>>> Everybody dreams of managing proper work-life balance, but most people don't think that it can't be accomplished without money.
 That's why many people are willing to do overtime work although, they can't enjoy their daily life with their loved ones.
>>> CORRECT
 Our government has implemented a few regulations to boost people's life. 
>>> CORRECT
The limitation working hours by 40 in a week is the representative trial.
>>> The limitation of working hours to 40 in a week is the representative trial.
 However, there were many people who would like to take overtime duties because they can't afford to keep their family without extra income.
>>> CORRECT
 To solve these problem, companies have to change in positive way such as provide more annual leave, raise salary per hour and give extra money in special days like summer vacation.
>>>  To solve this problem, companies have to change in a positive way such as providing more annual leave, raising salary per hour and giving extra money on special days like summer vacation.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112650 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 352
112649 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 448
112648 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 0
112647 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 408
112646 Homework: Do you think you are healthy? Why do you say so? Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 341
112645 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 447
112644 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 432
112643 Can you tell me about a goal you have? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1
112642 Is this sentence correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 396
112641 How do you think can the delivery services in South Korea be... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 431
112640 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 441
112639 homework Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 386
112638 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 668
112637 Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women.... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 417
112636 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1
112635 Amusement park ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 415
112634 Do you consider yourself a creative person? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 2
112633 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1
112632 \"Beauty is only skin deep,\" What do you think this means? Á¶*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 392
112631 Korea\'s renewable enery too expensive, shunned by private... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04