¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework from the lesson 10212021

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ºñ
2021-10-23 602

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Oct 21 2021
Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?

I am not a sensitive person. However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. Also worrying, by its own nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways. For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram. Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there. So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation. For example, if I am worried about my

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Eunbee! Thank you for making grammatically sound sentences. Good job! However, some of the phrases were wordy. Writing  more concisely is better.

- Debbie


October 21,  2021

Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?


I am not a sensitive person. 
>> This is a good sentence.

However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. 
>>  This is a good sentence.

Also worrying, by its nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. 
>> This is a good sentence.


Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
>> This is a good sentence.

In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.
>> This is a good sentence.
OR
>> To stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.

 For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.
>>  For some time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.

Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there.
>>Though it made me feel like the stressful situation was gone for a while, the effect never lasted long because the problem was still there.

So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation.
>> This is a good sentence.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115761 If a book has been made into a movie, which do you prefer to do... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 816
115760 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1071
115759 When people from other countries think about your culture, what... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1156
115758 which chores do you not like to do Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1034
115757 My goal ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115756 HOMEWORK: What kind of people annoy you? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 3
115755 Homework(1/20) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115754 HOMEWORK : What are some of the andvantages and disadvantages of... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 3
115753 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115752 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1043
115751 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1204
115750 > What cartoon shows are popular in your country? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 553
115749 Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a... ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 988
115748 What other things do you need for you to study English? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 969
115747 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1423
115746 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115745 How does this pandemic change your birthday celebration? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115744 Is there a kind of drama that you will never watch? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115743 What made Barbara sick, if she just went to a birthday party? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1278
115742 I\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04