¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework from the lesson 10212021

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ºñ
2021-10-23 448

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Oct 21 2021
Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?

I am not a sensitive person. However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. Also worrying, by its own nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways. For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram. Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there. So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation. For example, if I am worried about my

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Eunbee! Thank you for making grammatically sound sentences. Good job! However, some of the phrases were wordy. Writing  more concisely is better.

- Debbie


October 21,  2021

Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?


I am not a sensitive person. 
>> This is a good sentence.

However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. 
>>  This is a good sentence.

Also worrying, by its nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. 
>> This is a good sentence.


Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
>> This is a good sentence.

In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.
>> This is a good sentence.
OR
>> To stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.

 For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.
>>  For some time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.

Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there.
>>Though it made me feel like the stressful situation was gone for a while, the effect never lasted long because the problem was still there.

So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation.
>> This is a good sentence.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115157 My homework~~^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 331
115156 I\'m doing my homework. ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 657
115155 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 857
115154 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 947
115153 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 338
115152 Over 1/3 households consist of just 1 person À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1
115151 I\'m doing my homework^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 395
115150 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1
115149 do you like meeting new people ¿ì*¿í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 334
115148 When do you prefer having a family? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1
115147 Floor heating system. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 385
115146 What kind of things would you need in order to survive in... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 1
115145 My comfort food ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 325
115144 Very simple ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 338
115143 Special holiday:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 398
115142 What do you usually wish for during your birthday? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 0
115141 Can you sleep if there¡¯s a lot of noise going on? Have you ever... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 0
115140 I will go to abroad ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 333
115139 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 2
115138 What do you usually wish for during your birthday? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 361

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04