¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework from the lesson 10212021

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ºñ
2021-10-23 414

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Oct 21 2021
Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?

I am not a sensitive person. However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. Also worrying, by its own nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways. For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram. Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there. So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation. For example, if I am worried about my

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Eunbee! Thank you for making grammatically sound sentences. Good job! However, some of the phrases were wordy. Writing  more concisely is better.

- Debbie


October 21,  2021

Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?


I am not a sensitive person. 
>> This is a good sentence.

However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. 
>>  This is a good sentence.

Also worrying, by its nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. 
>> This is a good sentence.


Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
>> This is a good sentence.

In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.
>> This is a good sentence.
OR
>> To stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.

 For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.
>>  For some time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.

Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there.
>>Though it made me feel like the stressful situation was gone for a while, the effect never lasted long because the problem was still there.

So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation.
>> This is a good sentence.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112318 Computer ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 462
112317 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 454
112316 what will I do in my free time with my friends ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 420
112315 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 405
112314 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 3
112313 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112312 How different do you think is the generation now from the... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 434
112311 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 3
112310 What is your favorite crowded place in Korea? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 7
112309 Who do you call a lot nowadays ? À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 410
112308 How to Eat Properly for Sound Sleep À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112307 What is the worst news you have ever heard of or read about? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1130
112306 LGBTQ ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 491
112305 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 514
112304 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 327
112303 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112302 Today\'s homework Ȳ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 2
112301 °úÁ¦ Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 472
112300 Do you like new things? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112299 What have you saved these days? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 880

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04