¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework from the lesson 10212021

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ºñ
2021-10-23 464

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Oct 21 2021
Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?

I am not a sensitive person. However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. Also worrying, by its own nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways. For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram. Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there. So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation. For example, if I am worried about my

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Eunbee! Thank you for making grammatically sound sentences. Good job! However, some of the phrases were wordy. Writing  more concisely is better.

- Debbie


October 21,  2021

Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?


I am not a sensitive person. 
>> This is a good sentence.

However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. 
>>  This is a good sentence.

Also worrying, by its nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. 
>> This is a good sentence.


Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
>> This is a good sentence.

In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.
>> This is a good sentence.
OR
>> To stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.

 For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.
>>  For some time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.

Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there.
>>Though it made me feel like the stressful situation was gone for a while, the effect never lasted long because the problem was still there.

So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation.
>> This is a good sentence.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111928 i\'m tired.................. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 470
111927 What skills do you think are most critical to this job? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 407
111926 What is your unforgettable Chuseok? Answer in a few sentences. ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 578
111925 Good show for kids ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 430
111924 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 499
111923 If you can add a room to your house, what room would it be and... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 535
111922 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 389
111921 What kind of food reminds you of your childhood and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111920 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 478
111919 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 395
111918 About austraillia À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111917 If you can add a room to your house, what room would it be and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 2
111916 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 500
111915 Claire\'s homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 592
111914 57 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 593
111913 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 417
111912 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 3
111911 correction RQ if any. ¼­*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 4
111910 What is your favorite Korean custom? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111909 Most Dangerous Predator in the world Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 478

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04