¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To send confidential information

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À¯*Áø
2021-10-27 590

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jin!

I also think that you are absolutely right about confidentiality of messages in the e-mail. At times, there are sensitive information such as bank passwords and others. So, we have to take precautions well.

The underlined words or phrases are my suggestions and their explanations are in black text. Please go over them below.

Thank you for your homework and a job well done!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. 
>> I think that sending e-mail is a little dangerous for confidential
information. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) The pattern of most sentences in English follows the Subject+ Verb+ Object. So " I think that sending e-mail..." is the better way to put it.
    2.) Some nouns do not need "the" before them depending on their use in a sentence.

That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
>> Those reasons are easy to escape from someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) "That" is singular and "those" is plural. Since you used "reasons", you have to use plural.
    2.) If there is a source, then it is better to use "from" specially when we use the verb "escape", like, " The criminal escaped from the prison cell."

So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
>>  So, most of the people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
EXPLANATION: 1.) Just remove "the" between "So, most" because it should be before people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115790 If you could be another person for a day, who would you be? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1403
115789 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 880
115788 Homework(1/20) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1
115787 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1
115786 What kind of greeting do you like hearing most? Why? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1231
115785 What function of mobile phone do you want your phone to have ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 929
115784 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 996
115783 How are sports beneficial to you? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 0
115782 Is it necessary to do further education after high school these... º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 923
115781 viking\'s characters À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1
115780 Writing Task: Do you think it is important to teach children... ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 935
115779 Writing Task: Do you spend a lot of time in bed when you\'re... ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1133
115778 Where do you want to go while you still have days left for this... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1762
115777 What is a successful life? What habits should you have to have a... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1530
115776 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115775 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1928
115774 There are two ways for relaxing ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1533
115773 Home Work ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1193
115772 What do you think is your main purpose in life? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1463
115771 Money is most need thing ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1071

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04