¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To send confidential information

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À¯*Áø
2021-10-27 284

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jin!

I also think that you are absolutely right about confidentiality of messages in the e-mail. At times, there are sensitive information such as bank passwords and others. So, we have to take precautions well.

The underlined words or phrases are my suggestions and their explanations are in black text. Please go over them below.

Thank you for your homework and a job well done!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. 
>> I think that sending e-mail is a little dangerous for confidential
information. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) The pattern of most sentences in English follows the Subject+ Verb+ Object. So " I think that sending e-mail..." is the better way to put it.
    2.) Some nouns do not need "the" before them depending on their use in a sentence.

That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
>> Those reasons are easy to escape from someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) "That" is singular and "those" is plural. Since you used "reasons", you have to use plural.
    2.) If there is a source, then it is better to use "from" specially when we use the verb "escape", like, " The criminal escaped from the prison cell."

So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
>>  So, most of the people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
EXPLANATION: 1.) Just remove "the" between "So, most" because it should be before people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114634 What are two habits you have that makes you productive at work? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 208
114633 What makes you uncomfortable in the work setting? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 909
114632 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 1
114631 I Wold Rather Choose Me ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 877
114630 What are the most important things your parents taught you? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 326
114629 IT was fun day!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 693
114628 The temple+(discussion of vaccine) ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 268
114627 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 629
114626 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 224
114625 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 325
114624 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114623 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 391
114622 Reply to your answer ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 382
114621 HOMEWORK °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114620 Homework {12/10} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 254
114619 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 182
114618 What are the best and worst things about the convenience store... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 255
114617 What would you like to change in the education system in South... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 231
114616 If you could stop time, what would you do and why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114615 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 331

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04