¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To send confidential information

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À¯*Áø
2021-10-27 217

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jin!

I also think that you are absolutely right about confidentiality of messages in the e-mail. At times, there are sensitive information such as bank passwords and others. So, we have to take precautions well.

The underlined words or phrases are my suggestions and their explanations are in black text. Please go over them below.

Thank you for your homework and a job well done!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. 
>> I think that sending e-mail is a little dangerous for confidential
information. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) The pattern of most sentences in English follows the Subject+ Verb+ Object. So " I think that sending e-mail..." is the better way to put it.
    2.) Some nouns do not need "the" before them depending on their use in a sentence.

That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
>> Those reasons are easy to escape from someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) "That" is singular and "those" is plural. Since you used "reasons", you have to use plural.
    2.) If there is a source, then it is better to use "from" specially when we use the verb "escape", like, " The criminal escaped from the prison cell."

So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
>>  So, most of the people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
EXPLANATION: 1.) Just remove "the" between "So, most" because it should be before people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112859 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 2
112858 Do bad mannered people upset you? Tell me about your experience. ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 0
112857 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112856 Dancing ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 193
112855 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 227
112854 What do you like most about your culture? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 164
112853 Describe a healthy meal you have most of the time ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112852 What are the things you\'re going to do when you retire? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 192
112851 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 0
112850 What does it take to keep an eye on something well? (What it... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 231
112849 What characteristics should we look for in a candidate who is... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 188
112848 What are some of the things that you do not give as gifts in... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112847 Would you always care to fulfill the requests of your family and... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 197
112846 What do you think of when you listen to music? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 205
112845 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 209
112844 What sports do most people in your country enjoy? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112843 HOMEWORK: Is there a special gift you like to get? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112842 My biggest fear ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 257
112841 10.13 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112840 What part of your high school life do you want to repeat? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 191

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04