¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To send confidential information

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À¯*Áø
2021-10-27 326

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jin!

I also think that you are absolutely right about confidentiality of messages in the e-mail. At times, there are sensitive information such as bank passwords and others. So, we have to take precautions well.

The underlined words or phrases are my suggestions and their explanations are in black text. Please go over them below.

Thank you for your homework and a job well done!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. 
>> I think that sending e-mail is a little dangerous for confidential
information. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) The pattern of most sentences in English follows the Subject+ Verb+ Object. So " I think that sending e-mail..." is the better way to put it.
    2.) Some nouns do not need "the" before them depending on their use in a sentence.

That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
>> Those reasons are easy to escape from someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) "That" is singular and "those" is plural. Since you used "reasons", you have to use plural.
    2.) If there is a source, then it is better to use "from" specially when we use the verb "escape", like, " The criminal escaped from the prison cell."

So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
>>  So, most of the people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
EXPLANATION: 1.) Just remove "the" between "So, most" because it should be before people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113518 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 571
113517 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 476
113516 11003 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 0
113515 desert ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 306
113514 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 305
113513 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 0
113512 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 0
113511 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 4
113510 Howework ±Ç*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 2
113509 If you have the time, please try to answer this homework about... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 337
113508 1103 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 0
113507 Kindly answer the following in essay form. Tell me about the... ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 2
113506 My son ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 2
113505 1103 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 0
113504 How long would you wait to get served before complaining or... ¹®*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113503 Funeral Sermon 2 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 311
113502 Funeral Sermon 1 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 387
113501 HOMEWORK ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113500 What are the good and bad things about tourism? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113499 How should one prepare him/herself for love? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 375

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04