¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Please correct the sentence I made

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çö
2021-10-27 355

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I had a great time with my family as usual.
On Saturday, we ordered a delicious food and had a fun time.
and on Sunday, i played soccer with my local friends and scored 2 goals.
These kind of things make me mentally and physically healthy so i can get the energy to get back to work.
I'm planing to visit my parents' place to make kimchi (called kimjang).

We make a lot of kimchi for winter and stored it in refri during the winter season.
Usually, the whole family gathers to make kimchi and shared it.
After finishing it, I'm going to drink with father-in-law and brother-in-law.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Well done, Mr. Yun. I almost forgot it is kimjang season again. Time flies really fast. I hope you have a great time making kimchi this coming weekend. Have a good night. See you in class tomorrow. ~Jane c",)


I had a great time with my family as usual.
>> CORRECT

On Saturday, we ordered a delicious food and had a fun time.
>> On Saturday, we ordered delicious food and had a fun time.

and on Sunday, i played soccer with my local friends and scored 2 goals.
>> And on Sunday, I played soccer with my local friends and scored 2 goals.

These kind of things make me mentally and physically healthy so i can get the energy to get back to work.
>> These kinds of things make/ keep me mentally and physically healthy so I can refresh my energy/ I can recharge to get back to work.

I'm planing to visit my parents' place to make kimchi (called kimjang).
>> I'm planning to visit my parents' place to make kimchi (called kimjang).

We make a lot of kimchi for winter and stored it in refri during the winter season.
>> We make a lot of kimchi for winter and store it in the refrigerator/fridge during the winter season.

Usually, the whole family gathers to make kimchi and shared it.
>> Usually, the whole family gathers to make kimchi and shares it.

After finishing it, I'm going to drink with father-in-law and brother-in-law.
>> After finishing it, I'm going to drink with my father-in-law and brother-in-law.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112883 homework Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 340
112882 South Korea Seeks to live with pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112881 My hometown ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 373
112880 Do you agree with Captain America\'s choices in Civil War? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 444
112879 How can you avoid vices? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 0
112878 homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 375
112877 There will be second earth in space ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 300
112876 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 719
112875 10.14 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 2
112874 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 284
112873 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 332
112872 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 441
112871 1014 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 2
112870 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 463
112869 12 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 350
112868 Jobs ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112867 Have you ever decided to change the way you eat? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112866 What are your fears and how are you going to overcome them? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 585
112865 What are your fears and how are you going to overcome them? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 0
112864 What characteristics should we look for in a candidate who is... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04