¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Competitive

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-27 267

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?
I compete with Anna.
We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
My friends and me are competitive with each other!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Clair!

Here's your revised composition. Please pay attention to the corrections and alternative sentences.

Cheers,
Jean~~



        Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?


I compete with Anna.
>> or: I'm competitive with my best friend, Anna. 

We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
>> We compete in our physical strength and drawing skills.

We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
>> For instance, we compete in our physical strength when playing sports, such as volleyball, basketball, etc.

We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
>> Aside from this, we also compete in our drawing skills when drawing some flowers or something.

My friends and me are competitive with each other!
>> or: Indeed, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but in a healthy way!
>> or:  Truthfully, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but it's a healthy competition. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113118 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 210
113117 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 0
113116 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 6
113115 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 4
113114 What is your daily routine during the weekdays? Explain briefly. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 270
113113 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 188
113112 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 567
113111 musical instrument ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 239
113110 How do you change annoying habits? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 181
113109 Who should take care of the old people there in Korea? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113108 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 403
113107 Homework from the lesson 10202021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 580
113106 29 foreigners caught heating on kOrean language test À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113105 What do politicians usually do when election day is about to... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 234
113104 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113103 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 201
113102 Do you think your parents ate healthier food at your age than... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113101 How can houses be made more environmentally friendly? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113100 What volunteer work do you see yourself doing? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 4
113099 How do you deal with an intimidating situation/person? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 274

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04