¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Life without stars

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-27 179

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Stars are necessary things to our life. If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem. But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
Diary: I listened to music tonight. The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs. Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings. First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical. Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel!  Thanks for your effort. However, you have to be careful with sentence construction.

-Teacher Debbie

Stars are necessary things to our life.
>> Stars are necessary. 

If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem.
>> If the other stars didn't exist, there wouldn't be a big problem. 

 But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. 
>> However, the sun and the other stars which greatly affect the earth are very important, so we can't live without them.

In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
>> In conclusion, we can't live without stars.

Diary:

I listened to music tonight.
>> This is a good sentence.

The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs.
>> I listened to Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan Walker's songs.

Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings.
>> Each song makes me feel various emotions.

First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. 
>> First, Yiruma's songs make me feel love, saudade and joy.

Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical.
>> Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep and classical.

Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. 
>> Third, Alan Walker's pop songs are like adventures. 

Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
>> Music makes you feel a lot of emotions. It is powerful.

I agree with you, Daniel. Music is indeed powerful. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113494 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 166
113493 How could you decline offers of help politely? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113492 What does a holiday mean to you? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 135
113491 What are the things we could do to protect ourselves from crime? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 190
113490 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 1
113489 I want to go back to past ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 127
113488 Homework: Are you afraid of getting old? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 154
113487 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 123
113486 12 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 460
113485 14 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 134
113484 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 2
113483 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 161
113482 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 2
113481 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 1
113480 How are sports beneficial to you? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 2
113479 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 1
113478 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 139
113477 Do you think ghosts are real? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 0
113476 If you are going to a Halloween party, what costume are you... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 0
113475 HOMEWORK ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04