¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Life without stars

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-27 181

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Stars are necessary things to our life. If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem. But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
Diary: I listened to music tonight. The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs. Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings. First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical. Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel!  Thanks for your effort. However, you have to be careful with sentence construction.

-Teacher Debbie

Stars are necessary things to our life.
>> Stars are necessary. 

If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem.
>> If the other stars didn't exist, there wouldn't be a big problem. 

 But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. 
>> However, the sun and the other stars which greatly affect the earth are very important, so we can't live without them.

In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
>> In conclusion, we can't live without stars.

Diary:

I listened to music tonight.
>> This is a good sentence.

The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs.
>> I listened to Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan Walker's songs.

Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings.
>> Each song makes me feel various emotions.

First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. 
>> First, Yiruma's songs make me feel love, saudade and joy.

Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical.
>> Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep and classical.

Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. 
>> Third, Alan Walker's pop songs are like adventures. 

Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
>> Music makes you feel a lot of emotions. It is powerful.

I agree with you, Daniel. Music is indeed powerful. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113434 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 192
113433 Homework📝 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 370
113432 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 503
113431 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 198
113430 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 176
113429 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 171
113428 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 1
113427 What is the best quality of a leader? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 162
113426 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 1
113425 For Jisun Oral Test 2 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 197
113424 For Jisun Oral Test 1 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 211
113423 Music ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 171
113422 Do you think people rely too much on technology nowadays? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 0
113421 How do you loosen up? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 1
113420 slim\'s book À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 3
113419 If i have a spend a time with famous person ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 235
113418 Tell me about your favorite sports. ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 0
113417 It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-31 258
113416 What are the endangered animals in your country? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-10-31 210
113415 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-31 189

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04