¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Life without stars

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-27 183

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Stars are necessary things to our life. If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem. But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
Diary: I listened to music tonight. The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs. Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings. First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical. Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel!  Thanks for your effort. However, you have to be careful with sentence construction.

-Teacher Debbie

Stars are necessary things to our life.
>> Stars are necessary. 

If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem.
>> If the other stars didn't exist, there wouldn't be a big problem. 

 But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. 
>> However, the sun and the other stars which greatly affect the earth are very important, so we can't live without them.

In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
>> In conclusion, we can't live without stars.

Diary:

I listened to music tonight.
>> This is a good sentence.

The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs.
>> I listened to Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan Walker's songs.

Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings.
>> Each song makes me feel various emotions.

First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. 
>> First, Yiruma's songs make me feel love, saudade and joy.

Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical.
>> Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep and classical.

Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. 
>> Third, Alan Walker's pop songs are like adventures. 

Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
>> Music makes you feel a lot of emotions. It is powerful.

I agree with you, Daniel. Music is indeed powerful. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113294 Experiment is always exinting ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 263
113293 Homework from the lesson 10262021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 202
113292 Does playing with dolls like Barbie negatively influence a... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 266
113291 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 658
113290 Do you think health care should be free? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 247
113289 If I have a Time ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 419
113288 10.26 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 0
113287 Travel Lover Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 247
113286 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 229
113285 10.25 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 0
113284 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 181
113283 Competition ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 230
113282 what are your favorite leisure sports? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 242
113281 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 294
113280 Please correct the sentence I made À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 491
113279 Skip breakfast ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113278 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 196
113277 Thank you ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 2
113276 dreamtime story À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 10
113275 4 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 218

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04