¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÀÓ
2021-10-28 232

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I think so.
I think money is one of the most important elements that connect the world.
As money moves around the world, human abilities and natural resources are also able to move around the world,
leading to further development of humans.
From point of view of the development of human civilization,
it seems that the love of money is not necessarily a bad thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Jennifer:)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Yes, I think so.
>> CORRECT

I think money is one of the most important elements that connect the world.
>> CORRECT

As money moves around the world, human abilities and natural resources are also able to move around the world, leading to further development of humans.
>> CORRECT

From point of view of the development of human civilization, i
t seems that the love of money is not necessarily a bad thing.
>> From that point of view of the development of human civilization, it seems that the love of money is not necessarily a bad thing.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112885 What is the request you usually asked from someone? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-15 1
112884 What food do you dislike?. ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112883 homework Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 213
112882 South Korea Seeks to live with pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112881 My hometown ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 219
112880 Do you agree with Captain America\'s choices in Civil War? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 290
112879 How can you avoid vices? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 0
112878 homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 250
112877 There will be second earth in space ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 221
112876 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 621
112875 10.14 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 2
112874 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 194
112873 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 194
112872 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 339
112871 1014 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 2
112870 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 254
112869 12 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 263
112868 Jobs ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112867 Have you ever decided to change the way you eat? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112866 What are your fears and how are you going to overcome them? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 432

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04