¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÀÓ
2021-10-28 480

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I think so.
I think money is one of the most important elements that connect the world.
As money moves around the world, human abilities and natural resources are also able to move around the world,
leading to further development of humans.
From point of view of the development of human civilization,
it seems that the love of money is not necessarily a bad thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Jennifer:)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Yes, I think so.
>> CORRECT

I think money is one of the most important elements that connect the world.
>> CORRECT

As money moves around the world, human abilities and natural resources are also able to move around the world, leading to further development of humans.
>> CORRECT

From point of view of the development of human civilization, i
t seems that the love of money is not necessarily a bad thing.
>> From that point of view of the development of human civilization, it seems that the love of money is not necessarily a bad thing.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112661 What do you think of Paralympic Games? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 540
112660 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1127
112659 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 438
112658 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 544
112657 HOMEWORK: Do you think you are a fashionable person? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 3
112656 HOMEWORK: What are the achievements that you want to achieve... ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 0
112655 HOMEWORK: Do you like short travels or long travels? why? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1
112654 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 676
112653 49 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 506
112652 45 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1058
112651 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 3
112650 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 450
112649 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 528
112648 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 0
112647 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 559
112646 Homework: Do you think you are healthy? Why do you say so? Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 456
112645 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 570
112644 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 560
112643 Can you tell me about a goal you have? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 1
112642 Is this sentence correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-07 459

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04