¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-28 381

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
And also some people do crime because of money.
So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
>> I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.

If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
>> If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will collapse.

A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
>> A lot of systems will be collapse and many kinds of problems about morality will occur to  many people.

So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
>> So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strong.

But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
>> But sometimes, people use it in a bad way. 

Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
>> Some people try to hide bad things with money. 

And also some people do crime because of money.
>> And some people also do crime because of money. 

So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
>> So I think in some parts, money does make  the world go around. 

But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.
>> Money is very systematic and we need to take care of it for the next generations. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115104 Cost of living top economic issue next year in Seoul : Survey À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 1
115103 Homework {12/29} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 339
115102 What is your favorite gadget? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 2
115101 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 0
115100 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 635
115099 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 0
115098 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 729
115097 Do you think that Christmas should be an important holiday in... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 0
115096 Describe your comfort zone. Where is it? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 673
115095 Why do you want to learn the English language? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 1
115094 The only thing constant is change. Do you agree with this... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 1
115093 co-worker ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 562
115092 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 2
115091 How do you motivate yourself? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 959
115090 What exotic food would you like to try? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-29 1
115089 What\'s the biggest risk you\'ve ever made? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 892
115088 What could you do as a child that you can\'t do now? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 494
115087 I want to be a boss, but it\'s not good for me ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 344
115086 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 396
115085 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 597

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04