¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What natural disaster do you fear the most? and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-29 605

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the world, there are various kinds of natural disasters, and I think yellow dust is the most worst disaster.
First, yellow dust is usually occured in China, and it come to Korea and Japan.
In China, there are a lot of deserts and even tough there is the world second largest desert, Gobi desert.
And the problem is there are some kinds of heavy metals so they make a human body very dangerous.
Also nowadays, it is going worst because of disposable wooden chopsticks.
In South Korea, people are using about two billions five hundreds millions disposable wooden chopsticks
To produce those chopsticks, we have to use many trees.
So China's forests are being deserts and so a lot of yellow dust is coming to Korea.
So if we want to stop this disaster, we should try to do not use those chopsticks, and we should have a interest about this problem.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In the world, there are various kinds of natural disasters, and I think yellow dust is the most worst disaster.
>> In the world, there are various kinds of natural disasters, and I think yellow dust is the worst one. 

First, yellow dust is usually occured in China, and it come to Korea and Japan.
>> First, yellow dust is usually from China. 

In China, there are a lot of deserts and even tough there is the world second largest desert, Gobi desert.
>> In China, there are a lot of deserts and like  second largest desert, Gobi desert.

And the problem is there are some kinds of heavy metals so they make a human body very dangerous.
>> The problem is that there is some kind of heavy metals in the sand that can be harmful to humans. 

Also nowadays, it is going worst because of disposable wooden chopsticks.
>> Nowadays, it is going to be worst because of disposable wooden chopsticks. 

In South Korea, people are using about two billions five hundreds millions disposable wooden chopsticks
>> CORRECT

To produce those chopsticks, we have to use many trees.
>> CORRECT

So China's forests are being deserts and so a lot of yellow dust is coming to Korea.
>> CORRECT

So if we want to stop this disaster, we should try to do not use those chopsticks, and we should have a interest about this problem.
>> 
So if we want to stop this disaster, we should try to not use those chopsticks, and  have interest about this problem.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114489 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 315
114488 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1525
114487 What are some countries that you would never visit? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 584
114486 Do you believe in lucky charms? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114485 Do you believe in God? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 0
114484 which season is the most beautiful? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 312
114483 Lose The Moon Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 480
114482 Do you believe in God? Why or why not? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 795
114481 near my house ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114480 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 2
114479 Are these sentences grammatically correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 636
114478 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114477 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 375
114476 Question °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114475 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114474 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 410
114473 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 226
114472 How do you feel about making choices for other people? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114471 Am i afraid of getting older? ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 522
114470 Believe God or not. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 405

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04