¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What natural disaster do you fear the most? and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-29 236

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the world, there are various kinds of natural disasters, and I think yellow dust is the most worst disaster.
First, yellow dust is usually occured in China, and it come to Korea and Japan.
In China, there are a lot of deserts and even tough there is the world second largest desert, Gobi desert.
And the problem is there are some kinds of heavy metals so they make a human body very dangerous.
Also nowadays, it is going worst because of disposable wooden chopsticks.
In South Korea, people are using about two billions five hundreds millions disposable wooden chopsticks
To produce those chopsticks, we have to use many trees.
So China's forests are being deserts and so a lot of yellow dust is coming to Korea.
So if we want to stop this disaster, we should try to do not use those chopsticks, and we should have a interest about this problem.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In the world, there are various kinds of natural disasters, and I think yellow dust is the most worst disaster.
>> In the world, there are various kinds of natural disasters, and I think yellow dust is the worst one. 

First, yellow dust is usually occured in China, and it come to Korea and Japan.
>> First, yellow dust is usually from China. 

In China, there are a lot of deserts and even tough there is the world second largest desert, Gobi desert.
>> In China, there are a lot of deserts and like  second largest desert, Gobi desert.

And the problem is there are some kinds of heavy metals so they make a human body very dangerous.
>> The problem is that there is some kind of heavy metals in the sand that can be harmful to humans. 

Also nowadays, it is going worst because of disposable wooden chopsticks.
>> Nowadays, it is going to be worst because of disposable wooden chopsticks. 

In South Korea, people are using about two billions five hundreds millions disposable wooden chopsticks
>> CORRECT

To produce those chopsticks, we have to use many trees.
>> CORRECT

So China's forests are being deserts and so a lot of yellow dust is coming to Korea.
>> CORRECT

So if we want to stop this disaster, we should try to do not use those chopsticks, and we should have a interest about this problem.
>> 
So if we want to stop this disaster, we should try to not use those chopsticks, and  have interest about this problem.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112595 Are there any problems with jellyfish or sharks at your local... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 0
112594 Why do you think there are some couples in South Korea that... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 247
112593 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 2
112592 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 401
112591 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 231
112590 Why is language important? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 1
112589 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 232
112588 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 339
112587 How are you being honest with yourself? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 2
112586 Korea deliver servies ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 218
112585 Movies ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 218
112584 Movies ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 293
112583 How do you understand this: ¡°When in Rome, do as the Romans... È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 331
112582 my favorite things ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 224
112581 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 1
112580 Why is English fluency significant for you? Á¶*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 323
112579 What is your top priority nowadays? Share your answer in a few... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 298
112578 Give feedback or answer the question of our boss À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 214
112577 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 2
112576 Convenience stores continue to see higher sales in pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04