¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some societies, more and more people are choosing to live on their own? What are the reasons peop

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-30 611

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It's common to live alone when people reach 20 years old in western countries. Parents in Korea don't usually allow their children to live alone before they get married because they don't think that our society is safe. They also are worried about everything if their children live on their own. In fact, most children don't know how to cook, clean up and do laundry until they become an adult because their parents do everything for them. Parents believe that it is their obligation and it is the way to love their children. Therefore, Koreans rely on their parents a lot. I don't think it is the positive effect. Of course, students can focus on studying without worries but they finally become dependent to anybody. If people live alone, they learn a lot of things regarding households. They also can have more free time that would be useful to develop on various ways. Our world has become too competitive. To be superior in competition, young people need to be independent and they are asked to

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day Mr. Hwang! Thank you for having informative discussions with me. I appreciate you essay-making too! Have a great week ahead!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
It's common to live alone when people reach 20 years old in western countries.
>>> CORRECT
Parents in Korea don't usually allow their children to live alone before they get married because they don't think that our society is safe. 
>>> CORRECT
They also are worried about everything if their children live on their own. 
>>> They are also worried about everything if their children live on their own. 
In fact, most children don't know how to cook, clean up and do laundry until they become an adult because their parents do everything for them. 
>>> CORRECT
Parents believe that it is their obligation and it is the way to love their children.
>>> CORRECT
 Therefore, Koreans rely on their parents a lot. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think it is a positive effect. 
>>> CORRECT
Of course, students can focus on studying without worries but they finally become dependent to anybody. 
>>> CORRECT
If people live alone, they learn a lot of things regarding households. 
>>> CORRECT
They can also  have more free time that would be useful to develop on various ways. 
>>> CORRECT
Our world has become too competitive. 
>>> CORRECT
To be superior in competition, young people need to be independent and they are asked to...
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114893 eating ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 400
114892 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114891 What are the possible causes for having a vice? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1687
114890 Do you feel safe when you use public transportation? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114889 When is the best time to give smartphones to our kids? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114888 Do you think smartphone and time increase or decrease... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 2
114887 My friend ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 315
114886 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1
114885 homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1262
114884 If you are not able to forgive others, you carry the burden on... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 391
114883 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1197
114882 Kids have to learn how to wash laundry ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 320
114881 The pademic effect : more Koreans obese À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 2
114880 My thoughts about vaccine ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 2355
114879 German village ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 2
114878 boring time ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 272
114877 dream vacation to me ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 445
114876 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1384
114875 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 474
114874 Does education guarantee a good job? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 338

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04