¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should learn how to grow vegetables and keep a

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-30 453

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I strongly believe that students have to be taught basic things first. Based on my opinion, it is important to learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals because students can learn a lot of scientific knowledges and know the importance of every lives. Education curriculum in my country has many problems. Students in primary school study basic Korean characters but they also learn math that can't be understood ,if they don't know how to speak, write and listen Korean. Furthermore, most students attend as many as private academy to study most subject in advance than school curriculum. As a result, they don't want to understand anything regarding what they learn. They just know how to memorize specific knowledge. I want students to get knowledges by doing more activities and have a debate class. I believe that growing vegetables and keeping animals give a lot of positive effects on students' further subjects.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day Mr. Hwang! Thank you for having informative discussions with me. I appreciate you essay-making too! Have a great week ahead!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I strongly believe that students have to be taught basic things first.
>>> I strongly believe that students have to learn basic things first.
 Based on my opinion, it is important to learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals because students can learn a lot of scientific knowledge and know the importance of every life. 
>>> CORRECT
Education curriculum in my country has many problems.
>>> CORRECT
I strongly believe that students have to be taught basic things first.
>>> CORRECT
 Students in primary school study basic Korean characters but they also learn math that can't be understood ,if they don't know how to speak, write and listen to Korean.
>>> CORRECT
 Furthermore, most students attend as many as private academy to study most subject in advance than school curriculum.
>>>  Furthermore, most students attend as many as private academies to study most subject in advance than school curriculum.
As a result, they don't want to understand anything regarding what they learn. 
>>> CORRECT
They just know how to memorize specific knowledge.
>>> CORRECT
 I want students to get knowledges by doing more activities and have a debate class.
>>>  I want students to get knowledgeable by doing more activities and have a debate class.
 I believe that growing vegetables and keeping animals give a lot of positive effects on students' further subjects.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111984 What factors influence a carreer choice? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-15 1
111983 Do you think you would be able to help your parents if you moved... È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-15 959
111982 Homework ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-15 619
111981 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-15 670
111980 What are the hardest sounds (letters) for you to pronounce?... ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-15 621
111979 IELTS speaking ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-15 5
111978 What is the best shopping experience you\'ve had? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 499
111977 What is you unforgettable dating experience? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 2
111976 Maybe....June? ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 603
111975 What are the traditional things that Koreans do during Chu Seok? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 476
111974 Sleeping ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 480
111973 page 62 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 521
111972 [Homework] What period of history would you like to go back and... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 2
111971 page 53 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 583
111970 9.14 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 1
111969 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 720
111968 life without cell phone ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 505
111967 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 1
111966 Questions ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 1
111965 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-14 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04