¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-10-31 503

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely. When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media. When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos. I never got stress, after watching that media. On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it. Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress. School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile. they though that those things are just bad.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
Thank you for once again answering our essay question. I appreciate your honesty.
I think juvenile crimes are influenced by a lot of factors and the media shouldn't be pinpointed as the sole reason for such.
Anyhow, I hope you're having a great evening.
See you again on Wednesday. ^^
~Teacher Charry


In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: In my opinion, crimes caused by juveniles happen rarely.
When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media.
>> CORRECT!
When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: When I got stressed, I wanted to watch violent videos.
I never got stress, after watching that media.
>> I never got stressed, after watching that kind of media.
On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
>> On the contrary, I got stressed from school and because of my parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it.
>> I didn't have a solution to solve it.
Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress.
>> Video games, action movies, comic book were my ways of relieving stress.
School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile.
>> School teachers and parents didn't know what made juveniles violent.
they though that those things are just bad.
>> They just assumed that those things are just bad.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115416 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 4
115415 Is vaccine pass justifed? Seould court has doubts À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 1
115414 sudsidy ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 831
115413 Describe your ideal house. How does it look like? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 541
115412 What do you think is the top 3 food that can be best eaten... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 674
115411 Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women.... ¹®*Çý ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 1
115410 homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 880
115409 What is an alcoholic? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-10 1
115408 Homework (1/7) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 2
115407 What do you think should be done to improve the living... ±è*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 838
115406 When people are wealthy or successful, do they have a special... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 0
115405 What are the best ways to make a good first impression? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 565
115404 My ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 1
115403 Homeless ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 1276
115402 Prepare for my audition and interview ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 748
115401 homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 0
115400 Tell Me About a Time You Demonstrated Leadership Skills. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 550
115399 Are you good at dealing with colleagues/customers from different... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 1945
115398 Do you enjoy taking risks/challenges? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 373
115397 What do you think of a 4 day weekday (Working for only 4 days,... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-09 1345

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04