¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-10-31 416

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely. When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media. When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos. I never got stress, after watching that media. On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it. Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress. School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile. they though that those things are just bad.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
Thank you for once again answering our essay question. I appreciate your honesty.
I think juvenile crimes are influenced by a lot of factors and the media shouldn't be pinpointed as the sole reason for such.
Anyhow, I hope you're having a great evening.
See you again on Wednesday. ^^
~Teacher Charry


In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: In my opinion, crimes caused by juveniles happen rarely.
When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media.
>> CORRECT!
When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: When I got stressed, I wanted to watch violent videos.
I never got stress, after watching that media.
>> I never got stressed, after watching that kind of media.
On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
>> On the contrary, I got stressed from school and because of my parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it.
>> I didn't have a solution to solve it.
Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress.
>> Video games, action movies, comic book were my ways of relieving stress.
School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile.
>> School teachers and parents didn't know what made juveniles violent.
they though that those things are just bad.
>> They just assumed that those things are just bad.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114343 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 236
114342 Painting ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 317
114341 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 8
114340 Homework. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 4
114339 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 173
114338 Cool ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 267
114337 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114336 Why ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 484
114335 2021 is almost over~ ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 856
114334 Celeb Alcohol Ads Fuel Un derage Drinking À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114333 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114332 Dog meat consumption to be put to test À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114331 underage ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 280
114330 What are your long-term plans? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 0
114329 My sitation ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 329
114328 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114327 my job ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114326 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 399
114325 Moon man next story À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 448
114324 What do you and your family usually do during Christmas? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 263

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04