¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-10-31 284

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely. When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media. When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos. I never got stress, after watching that media. On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it. Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress. School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile. they though that those things are just bad.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
Thank you for once again answering our essay question. I appreciate your honesty.
I think juvenile crimes are influenced by a lot of factors and the media shouldn't be pinpointed as the sole reason for such.
Anyhow, I hope you're having a great evening.
See you again on Wednesday. ^^
~Teacher Charry


In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: In my opinion, crimes caused by juveniles happen rarely.
When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media.
>> CORRECT!
When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: When I got stressed, I wanted to watch violent videos.
I never got stress, after watching that media.
>> I never got stressed, after watching that kind of media.
On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
>> On the contrary, I got stressed from school and because of my parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it.
>> I didn't have a solution to solve it.
Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress.
>> Video games, action movies, comic book were my ways of relieving stress.
School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile.
>> School teachers and parents didn't know what made juveniles violent.
they though that those things are just bad.
>> They just assumed that those things are just bad.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113122 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 442
113121 HOMEWORK: What movie genre do you like watching? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 2
113120 HOMEWORK: What is your favorite thing to do alone? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113119 Go out ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 3
113118 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 197
113117 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 0
113116 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 6
113115 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 4
113114 What is your daily routine during the weekdays? Explain briefly. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 261
113113 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 175
113112 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 534
113111 musical instrument ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 228
113110 How do you change annoying habits? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 171
113109 Who should take care of the old people there in Korea? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113108 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 402
113107 Homework from the lesson 10202021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 542
113106 29 foreigners caught heating on kOrean language test À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113105 What do politicians usually do when election day is about to... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 234
113104 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 1
113103 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-21 201

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04