¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-10-31 335

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely. When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media. When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos. I never got stress, after watching that media. On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it. Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress. School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile. they though that those things are just bad.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
Thank you for once again answering our essay question. I appreciate your honesty.
I think juvenile crimes are influenced by a lot of factors and the media shouldn't be pinpointed as the sole reason for such.
Anyhow, I hope you're having a great evening.
See you again on Wednesday. ^^
~Teacher Charry


In my opinion, it will be cause of juvenile crime rarely.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: In my opinion, crimes caused by juveniles happen rarely.
When I was a kid, I didn't want to follow that kind of media.
>> CORRECT!
When I got stress, I wanted to watch provocative videos.
>> [DO YOU MEAN]: When I got stressed, I wanted to watch violent videos.
I never got stress, after watching that media.
>> I never got stressed, after watching that kind of media.
On the contrary, I got stress for school and parents.
>> On the contrary, I got stressed from school and because of my parents.
I didn't have solution for solving it.
>> I didn't have a solution to solve it.
Video games, action movies, comic book were the way to loss stress.
>> Video games, action movies, comic book were my ways of relieving stress.
School teachers, parents didn't know what juvenile makes violent juvenile.
>> School teachers and parents didn't know what made juveniles violent.
they though that those things are just bad.
>> They just assumed that those things are just bad.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113440 What public transport do you like the least and why? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 3
113439 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 515
113438 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 327
113437 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 514
113436 If you can spend a day with a famous person, who would you pick... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 343
113435 Other countries ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 3
113434 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 323
113433 Homework📝 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 515
113432 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 673
113431 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 458
113430 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 265
113429 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 331
113428 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 1
113427 What is the best quality of a leader? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 271
113426 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 1
113425 For Jisun Oral Test 2 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 450
113424 For Jisun Oral Test 1 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 370
113423 Music ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 250
113422 Do you think people rely too much on technology nowadays? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 0
113421 How do you loosen up? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-01 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04