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What are working conditions like in your country?

작성자: 조*인
2021-11-05 383

회원님의 영작문

First of all, as far as the commute is concerned, the public transports such as the subway and bus are usually overcrowded. This is because most of the large and famous companies are located in the major city. Therefore, it is common circumstances that people spend much amount of time on travelling to the workplace. Secondly, as for a working environment, discrimination regarding the different salaries and unfair treatment is quite a serious problem in my country nowadays. Mainly, the boss gives the lower salary to the employees who haven't graduated the university and don't have any background and experience. This discrimination in the company leads to less productivity and efficiency among employees.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Kasey! Have a great weekend.

First of all, as far as the commute is concerned, the public transports such as the subway and bus are usually overcrowded. 
>>> correct  
This is because most of the large and famous companies are located in the major city. 
>>> correct  
>>> OR: This is because most of the large and famous companies are located in the capital city.
>>> OR: This is because most of the large and famous companies are located in the major cities.      
Therefore, it is common circumstances that people spend much amount of time on travelling to the workplace. 
>>> OR: Therefore, it is a common circumstance that people spend a great amount of time travelling to their workplace.  
Secondly, as for a working environment, discrimination regarding the different salaries and unfair treatment is quite a serious problem in my country nowadays. 
>>> Secondly, as for the working environment, discrimination regarding the different salaries and unfair treatment is quite a serious problem in my country nowadays.   
Mainly, the boss gives the lower salary to the employees who haven't graduated the university and don't have any background and experience. 
>>> OR: Particularly, the boss gives a lower salary to the employees who haven't graduated the university and don't have any background and experience.   
This discrimination in the company leads to less productivity and efficiency among employees.
>>>  correct    

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