¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-11-05 854

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job. Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison. It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective toward criminals. Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. I agree that government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training. However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.¡± You are a great masterpiece! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job.
>>> Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crime again because they have difficulties getting a job.
 Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison.
>>>  Many people urge the government to provide  a job training  before releasing them from the prison.
 It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective towards criminals. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. 
>>> CORRECT
That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. 
>>> CORRECT
I agree that the government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training.
>>> CORRECT
 However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. (or lenient law)
>>> CORRECT
Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. 
>>> Criminals know very well about the law that makes them commit crime because they can make a lot of money by frauding and then, they will be in the prison for a short time that would be endurable. 
Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release
>>> I don't think all criminals can adapt well after being released. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118300 Do you prefer relaxing weekends doing nothing or active ones?... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 603
118299 If I could shop for free at one store... ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 603
118298 Advertisement ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 2
118297 What foods do you think are healthy? What foods do you think are... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 608
118296 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 0
118295 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 591
118294 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 0
118293 Can you recall any strange or unexplained events in your life?... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 1
118292 Are there any foods that bring back special memories for you? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 674
118291 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 0
118290 What city do you think is the best in South Korea? Explain your... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 0
118289 What is the best memory you have of your family doing something... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 643
118288 What is the best memory you have of your family doing something... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 0
118287 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 455
118286 Sentences ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 682
118285 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 4
118284 worst memory ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 671
118283 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 1
118282 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-18 785
118281 How do you usually cheer up those people close to you? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-17 474

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04