¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-11-05 661

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job. Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison. It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective toward criminals. Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. I agree that government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training. However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.¡± You are a great masterpiece! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job.
>>> Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crime again because they have difficulties getting a job.
 Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison.
>>>  Many people urge the government to provide  a job training  before releasing them from the prison.
 It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective towards criminals. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. 
>>> CORRECT
That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. 
>>> CORRECT
I agree that the government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training.
>>> CORRECT
 However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. (or lenient law)
>>> CORRECT
Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. 
>>> Criminals know very well about the law that makes them commit crime because they can make a lot of money by frauding and then, they will be in the prison for a short time that would be endurable. 
Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release
>>> I don't think all criminals can adapt well after being released. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117234 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1
117233 Are you in favor of abortion? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0
117232 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 889
117231 3/10 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 531
117230 my dog Çö*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0
117229 Why I think it is important to having friends. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1083
117228 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 2
117227 I want to go camping with my family. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1132
117226 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1239
117225 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 564
117224 Why I think late school is bad. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 744
117223 My wedding day ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 3
117222 Writing Essay(Mar 9th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 938
117221 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 752
117220 Writing Essay(Mar 7th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 927
117219 Do you have a pet? What is it\'s name? How did you choose this... ¼Û*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1263
117218 Who do you think is the best candidate for president during this... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0
117217 Who do you think is the best candidate for president during this... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1681
117216 What is your all-time favorite movie and what can you learn from... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0
117215 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04