¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-11-05 600

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job. Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison. It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective toward criminals. Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. I agree that government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training. However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.¡± You are a great masterpiece! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job.
>>> Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crime again because they have difficulties getting a job.
 Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison.
>>>  Many people urge the government to provide  a job training  before releasing them from the prison.
 It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective towards criminals. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. 
>>> CORRECT
That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. 
>>> CORRECT
I agree that the government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training.
>>> CORRECT
 However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. (or lenient law)
>>> CORRECT
Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. 
>>> Criminals know very well about the law that makes them commit crime because they can make a lot of money by frauding and then, they will be in the prison for a short time that would be endurable. 
Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release
>>> I don't think all criminals can adapt well after being released. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116427 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 914
116426 Which car brand/model is becoming popular among your peers? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 675
116425 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 6
116424 Do you know of any supersttions connected to weddings? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116423 HOMEWORK: When and how do you check on someone¡¯s... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 526
116422 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116421 Would you like to eat out every day? Would this be healthy? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 491
116420 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116419 , ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116418 What kind of challenge would you like to try? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 2
116417 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116416 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 557
116415 Hug:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 404
116414 homework.5 ¾ç*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 537
116413 Q. Do you like meeting new people? Á¤*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 582
116412 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 849
116411 What is that one thing that you will not change about yourself... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 580
116410 What is the best and worst thing about traveling to a new... À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116409 What is one unique way we can show our love to other people? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 890
116408 2/14 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 864

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04