¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-11-05 578

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job. Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison. It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective toward criminals. Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. I agree that government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training. However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.¡± You are a great masterpiece! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job.
>>> Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crime again because they have difficulties getting a job.
 Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison.
>>>  Many people urge the government to provide  a job training  before releasing them from the prison.
 It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective towards criminals. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. 
>>> CORRECT
That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. 
>>> CORRECT
I agree that the government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training.
>>> CORRECT
 However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. (or lenient law)
>>> CORRECT
Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. 
>>> Criminals know very well about the law that makes them commit crime because they can make a lot of money by frauding and then, they will be in the prison for a short time that would be endurable. 
Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release
>>> I don't think all criminals can adapt well after being released. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116087 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 609
116086 How would you describe the difference between a vice and an... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 511
116085 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1500
116084 What are you looking forward to this 2022 and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1167
116083 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 726
116082 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1780
116081 Writing correction ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 893
116080 Writing correction ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 870
116079 Where is your favorite restaurant and why? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 2
116078 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1860
116077 My appearance ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 5
116076 LIving WIth Someone ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 922
116075 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116074 What do you think should be done to improve living conditions in... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 0
116073 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116072 22-02-04 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116071 What is your favorite social activity? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 533
116070 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116069 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 870
116068 I\\\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1132

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04