¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-11-05 478

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job. Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison. It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective toward criminals. Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. I agree that government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training. However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.¡± You are a great masterpiece! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crimes again since they have difficulties to get a job.
>>> Offenders who finished their punishment tend to commit crime again because they have difficulties getting a job.
 Many people urge government to provide job training before they are released from the prison.
>>>  Many people urge the government to provide  a job training  before releasing them from the prison.
 It is important to educate them but it's not easy to change people's perspective towards criminals. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people don't want to be with them because of the potential risk. 
>>> CORRECT
That's why people want criminals to stay somewhere isolated from the society. 
>>> CORRECT
I agree that the government and members in society have responsibility to help them by providing proper jobs and training.
>>> CORRECT
 However, I think that major problem our country has is light sentence. (or lenient law)
>>> CORRECT
Criminals know very well about law that make them commit crime because they can make a lot of money with fraud and then, they will be in the prison short time that would be endurable. 
>>> Criminals know very well about the law that makes them commit crime because they can make a lot of money by frauding and then, they will be in the prison for a short time that would be endurable. 
Teenagers also know these phenomenon so they bully their friends because they know they are not punished by the law. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think all criminals can adapt well after release
>>> I don't think all criminals can adapt well after being released. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114544 Lou ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 213
114543 Why it is important to have a permission ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 210
114542 Where is it best for you to stay over? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 194
114541 Rider shortage driving up cost of your order À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114540 What is the best memory you have of you and your family doing... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 233
114539 What do you think of traveling amid the pandemic? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 233
114538 What do you usually do on weekends? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114537 Young Ann, and old Ann ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 230
114536 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 566
114535 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 826
114534 Is peer pressure beneficial or harmful? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 160
114533 lend money ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 613
114532 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 274
114531 Saving electricity is very important. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 303
114530 Is physical activity an important part of a healthy life style? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 2
114529 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 481
114528 The purpose of studying history ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 259
114527 Master librarians À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 1
114526 Available ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 2
114525 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 257

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04