¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What part of your Korean history is your favorite? Explain why.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-11-09 218

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past, Korea had many wars and they were very painful to my ancestor.
A lot of people died because of those wars, and a lot of people despaired because of them.
So I think all the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.
Having no war is one of the greatest blessings for us and for all the people.
That's why I think the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

That's a fair point. I think no one really likes wars. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In the past, Korea had many wars and they were very painful to my ancestor.
>> In the past, Korea had many wars and it was a bad time for my ancestors. 

A lot of people died because of those wars, and a lot of people despaired because of them.
>> A lot of people died because of those wars, and a lot of people were despaired because of them.

So I think all the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.
>> So I think that the periods when there were no wars in South Korea are my favorite parts of our history. 

Having no war is one of the greatest blessings for us and for all the people.
>> CORRECT

That's why I think the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.
>> That's why I think the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite parts of history.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114512 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 1
114511 Why is greeting important? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 1
114510 Funeral Sermon 1 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 223
114509 Funeral Sermon 2 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 200
114508 Funeral Sermon 1 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 230
114507 Why is English fluency significant for you? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 459
114506 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 2094
114505 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 252
114504 12/3 , 12/6 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 593
114503 What is more important to take care of : mental health or... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 262
114502 Why do adults collect children\'s stuff like hello kitty or some... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 253
114501 What do you like to shop for the most? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 0
114500 Sometimes:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 180
114499 How would you describe a healthy diet? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 2
114498 12.06 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 0
114497 I like him!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 249
114496 essay about\"If you could be invisible for a day what would you... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 219
114495 I want to travel if I have a lot of money. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 300
114494 What are the elements of a perfect vacation? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 3
114493 Who makes you laugh? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 773

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04