무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Writing Part2

작성자: 김*원
2021-11-11 327

회원님의 영작문



Writing Topic - Some people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both of views and state your opinion

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Chae Won. Well, thank you for sharing your writing topic with me today. I hope I was able to help. ^_^
T. Irene

There are pros and cons for the opinion about whether the build of sports facilities is beneficial to public health improvement.

>>> There are pros and cons to whether building sports facilities are beneficial to public health improvement.

Some people think that the construction of sport facilities can gain a fatal health condition for public health.

>>> Some people think that the construction of sport facilities can be fatal to public health.

However, in my opinion, it is required for governments to financially support the reinforcement of basic public health services, considering expansion of basic public service can lead the public health to be drastically improved.

>>> However, in my opinion, it is required for governments to financially support the reinforcement of basic public health services, taking in consideration the expansion of basic public services which can lead a drastic improvement of public health.

It can be said that governments’ financial support is not a selection but a necessity in the aspect of the public’s well-being.

>>> It can be said that governments’ financial support should not be a selection but a necessity in the aspect of the public’s well-being.

On the one hand, construction of sports facility can make it possible for citizen to gain a public health.

>>> On the other hand, construction of sports facility can make it possible for citizen to improve their health.

Even though there are other factors for it, nothing is more fundamental factor than build up the sport facility.

>>> Even though there are other factors for it, nothing is more fundamental than building a sport facility.

According to Korean Times, one of the most renowned newspaper companies in Korea, over 85.2% of City Government in Korea, which have promoted the construction of sports facilities for public, showed the improvement of public health.

>>> Correct.

It shows how strongly build up the sport facility affects citizen’s public health improvement in a positive way.

>>> It shows how a sport facility affects the citizens’ health in a positive way.

On the other hand, reinforcement of basic public health services can lead national to improvement to health condition.

>>> In addition, reinforcement of basic public health services can improvement of the nation’s health condition.

Despite the fact that expansion of basic public health services is not the only element for it, it is the most invaluable opportunity that can bring about good physical condition.

>>> Despite the fact that expansion of basic public health services is not the only element in it, it is an invaluable opportunity that can bring about good physical condition.

Let’s take ‘Happy Together’, a reinforcement of basic public project in the Seoul City Government as an example.

>>> Let’s take the ‘Happy Together’ project as an example for the reinforcement of basic public health in the Seoul City Government as an example.

The Seoul City Government operated the project to expansion of the basic public service project.

>>> The Seoul City Government operated the project for the expansion of the basic public health service.

As a result, the publics’ health has become noticeably improvement.

>>> As a result, the publics’ health has noticeably improved.

As we can see in the example, expansion of basic public service can have a positive effect on the citizens’ health condition.

>>> As we can see in the example, the expansion of basic public service can have a positive effect on the citizens’ health condition.

Hence, it goes without saying that governments should make a priority to run a financial support.

>>> Hence, it goes without saying that governments should make a priority to render financial support.

In conclusion, reinforcement of basic public services can be considered the positive aspect of the issue, and thus governments should not hesitate to financially support.

>>> In conclusion, reinforcement of basic public services can be considered the positive aspect of the issue, and thus governments should not hesitate to financially support it. 



번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
112764 Why I don\'t be a heavier 김*성 완료 2021-10-12 369
112763 HOMEWORK 신*아 완료 2021-10-12 3
112762 If you were a song, what song would you be and why? 류*연 완료 2021-10-12 398
112761 How many languages do you want to speak fluently? Why? 송*진 완료 2021-10-11 0
112760 What\'s your thought on patriarchal societies? 송*진 완료 2021-10-11 0
112759 Have you ever visited a society where most people speak only one... 송*진 완료 2021-10-11 0
112758 What are the disadvantages of having a national ID? 송*진 완료 2021-10-11 0
112757 Why are goals important? 권*윤 완료 2021-10-11 1
112756 What is the most common reason for drinking alcohol? 서*영 완료 2021-10-11 2
112755 Who do you think is the best candidate for president in the next... 박*주 완료 2021-10-11 528
112754 Grandparents don\'t have to live alone 김*우 완료 2021-10-11 532
112753 10.11 homework 임*윤 완료 2021-10-11 0
112752 What are the things you\'re going to do when you retire? 오*은 완료 2021-10-11 409
112751 숙제 김*연 완료 2021-10-11 349
112750 What other language 민*정 완료 2021-10-11 1
112749 homework 김*연 완료 2021-10-11 811
112748 Writing 안*진 완료 2021-10-11 1
112747 My Homework 강*우 완료 2021-10-11 395
112746 Do you think you are a lucky person? 이*람 완료 2021-10-11 2
112745 Do you care what a restaurant looks like, or is the food the... 선* 완료 2021-10-11 525

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]