¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the common crimes committed in South Korea and how do you think should it be lessened?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-11-17 360

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In schools, I think there are many cyber bullyings and cyber bullying is the most common crime in South Korea.
First, a lot of people don't know that they are doing cyber bullying or not.
Even some people don't know that cyber bullying is crime.
So nowadays, many students are experiencing cyber bullyings and they feel painful.
Also a lot of celebrities are getting pain because of some bad comments about them.
It is very serious crime but we can't find them and it is hard to judge them so I think it is the worst.
I think cyber bullyings are the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful in cyber world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Yes, that's true. Cyberbullying is a very serious crime that. Everyone can be a victim so we have to be vigilant about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In schools, I think there are many cyber bullyings and cyber bullying is the most common crime in South Korea.
> >In schools, I think there are many cyber bullying cases. It is a common crime in South Korea. 

First, a lot of people don't know that they are doing cyber bullying or not.
>> First, a lot of people don't know if they are committing cyber bullying or not.

Even some people don't know that cyber bullying is crime.
>> CORRECT

So nowadays, many students are experiencing cyber bullyings and they feel painful.
>> So nowadays, many students are experiencing this and get hurt a lot. 

Also a lot of celebrities are getting pain because of some bad comments about them.
>> Also, a lot of celebrities are getting hurt because of some bad comments about them.

It is very serious crime but we can't find them and it is hard to judge them so I think it is the worst.
>> It is a very serious crime but we can't find who they are and it is take actions about it, which makes it worst. 

I think cyber bullyings are the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful in cyber world.
>> I think cyber bullying is one of the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful about it. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113350 The delivery food. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 2
113349 Dreams ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 376
113348 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 293
113347 What do people usually do during the winter season there in... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 310
113346 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 402
113345 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1
113344 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 795
113343 What is something that always makes you angry? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 639
113342 Why do you think divorce rate is increasing? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 356
113341 Do you think action movies are bad for children? Why or why not? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113340 What do you think is the easiest thing about learning English?... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113339 Homework from the lesson 10272021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 493
113338 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113337 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 3
113336 What was the most enjoyable thing that you did during your... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113335 Life without stars ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 315
113334 Go back and live ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 504
113333 ggguuuiiitttaaarrr~~~~~~~~~ ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 444
113332 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 302
113331 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 343

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04