무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

the leading cause of suicide in Korea

작성자: 강*
2021-11-17 417

회원님의 영작문

I think the increase in price of living especially the cost for buying house, and sharp decrease in income like losing a job.
it leads people fall into huge liabilities driving to suicide.
overcoming the huge liabilities is never easy even if they have strong mind to pay back a loan.
I assume half of Koreans are in various debt come from school, mortgage loan or either.
for people can't handle their debt, the government has to do something like supporting program to help them out of it.
But, there is just minimal support from government so I think many of people are dying without enough support.
it is the biggies tragic faced to people and country.
I think the government never let citizen to suicide in huge debt and needs to develop supporting program more like reducing tax,
regulating loans at high interest.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Sia Kang, 
Thank you for sharing your ideas with me although this is a sensitive topic to discuss. The common reason why people commit suicide in South Kore is a Low socioeconomic status, high stress, inadequate sleep, alcohol use, and smoking are associated with suicidal tendencies among adolescents. The economic hardship factor is noted as the most frequently referred cause for elderly suicides in your country ~ Teacher QUENNY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the leading cause of suicide in Korea
>>The leading cause of suicide in South Korea. 
I think the increase in price of living especially the cost for buying house, and sharp decrease in income like losing a job it leads people fall into huge liabilities driving to suicide.
>> I think the increase in the cost of living especially the price of buying a house and the sharp decrease in income like losing a job leads people to fall into huge liabilities driving them to commit suicide.
overcoming the huge liabilities is never easy even if they have strong mind to pay back a loan.
>> Overcoming the huge liabilities is never easy even if they have a strong mind to pay back a loan.
I assume half of Koreans are in various debt come from school, mortgage loan or either.
>> I assume half of Koreans are in various debt come from school, mortgage loan or either.(Correct)
for people can't handle their debt, the government has to do something like supporting program to help them out of it.
>> For people who can't handle their debt, the government has to do something like supporting program to help them out of it.
But, there is just minimal support from government so I think many of people are dying without enough support.
>>But, there is just minimal support from the government so I think many people are dying without enough support.
it is the biggies tragic faced to people and country.
>> It is the biggies tragic face to people and country.
I think the government never let citizen to suicide in huge debt and needs to develop supporting program more like reducing tax, regulating loans at high interest.
>> I think the government never let citizens commit suicide because of huge debt and needs to develop supporting program more like reducing tax, regulating loans at high interest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the leading cause of suicide in Korea

I think the increase in price of living especially the cost for buying house, and sharp decrease in income like losing a job.
it leads people fall into huge liabilities driving to suicide.
overcoming the huge liabilities is never easy even if they have strong mind to pay back a loan.
I assume half of Koreans are in various debt come from school, mortgage loan or either.
for people can't handle their debt, the government has to do something like supporting program to help them out of it.
But, there is just minimal support from government so I think many of people are dying without enough support.
it is the biggies tragic faced to people and country.
I think the government never let citizen to suicide in huge debt and needs to develop supporting program more like reducing tax,
regulating loans at high interest.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
115792 ielts task 1 송*빈 완료 2022-01-21 1292
115791 Homework 김*혁 완료 2022-01-21 1230
115790 If you could be another person for a day, who would you be? 장*우 완료 2022-01-21 1365
115789 Homework 강*선 완료 2022-01-21 845
115788 Homework(1/20) 이*현 완료 2022-01-21 1
115787 Homework 함*주 완료 2022-01-21 1
115786 What kind of greeting do you like hearing most? Why? 양*희 완료 2022-01-21 1164
115785 What function of mobile phone do you want your phone to have 한*호 완료 2022-01-21 915
115784 . 박*연 완료 2022-01-21 950
115783 How are sports beneficial to you? 주*석 완료 2022-01-21 0
115782 Is it necessary to do further education after high school these... 변*원 완료 2022-01-21 830
115781 viking\'s characters 윤*진 완료 2022-01-21 1
115780 Writing Task: Do you think it is important to teach children... 박*윤 완료 2022-01-21 804
115779 Writing Task: Do you spend a lot of time in bed when you\'re... 박*윤 완료 2022-01-21 1103
115778 Where do you want to go while you still have days left for this... 엄*주 완료 2022-01-21 1736
115777 What is a successful life? What habits should you have to have a... 김*환 완료 2022-01-20 1425
115776 homework 박*민 완료 2022-01-20 1
115775 homework 정*원 완료 2022-01-20 1861
115774 There are two ways for relaxing 김*우 완료 2022-01-20 1462
115773 Home Work 이*현 완료 2022-01-20 1124

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]