¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

my opinion about religine.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-11-17 263

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have no religion. I believe in myself. I am faithful to my present life.
Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:)

Religion is a good thing that unites people by faith. It's a personal choice as well. It depends on you on how you are going to interpret it. 

PS: I don't know if it is still happening now, the 10% contribution to the church. I hope it already stopped. Hahaha!

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I have no religion. 
>> CORRECT

I believe in myself. 
>> CORRECT

I am faithful to my present life.
>> CORRECT

Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
>> Although my parents have their religion, I still chose to not have one.

Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
>> CORRECT

For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
>> For people in difficult situations, religion can be helpful. This is through religious activities and meeting other people. This can make them feel more comfortable and relaxed. 

And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
>> And the good thing about having a religion is that many civilizations have emerged, not only in Korea, but also around the world. Many religious infrastructures are also built. 

In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
>> CORRECT

But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
>> CORRECT

And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.
>> And it is not mandatory, but I don't understand why some people pay the church 10 % of their income. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113497 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113496 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113495 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1694
113494 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 318
113493 How could you decline offers of help politely? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 1
113492 What does a holiday mean to you? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-03 335
113491 What are the things we could do to protect ourselves from crime? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 348
113490 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 1
113489 I want to go back to past ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 285
113488 Homework: Are you afraid of getting old? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 259
113487 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 257
113486 12 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 648
113485 14 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 264
113484 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 2
113483 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 291
113482 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 2
113481 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 1
113480 How are sports beneficial to you? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 2
113479 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 1
113478 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-02 281

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04