¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

my opinion about religine.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-11-17 278

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have no religion. I believe in myself. I am faithful to my present life.
Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:)

Religion is a good thing that unites people by faith. It's a personal choice as well. It depends on you on how you are going to interpret it. 

PS: I don't know if it is still happening now, the 10% contribution to the church. I hope it already stopped. Hahaha!

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I have no religion. 
>> CORRECT

I believe in myself. 
>> CORRECT

I am faithful to my present life.
>> CORRECT

Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
>> Although my parents have their religion, I still chose to not have one.

Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
>> CORRECT

For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
>> For people in difficult situations, religion can be helpful. This is through religious activities and meeting other people. This can make them feel more comfortable and relaxed. 

And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
>> And the good thing about having a religion is that many civilizations have emerged, not only in Korea, but also around the world. Many religious infrastructures are also built. 

In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
>> CORRECT

But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
>> CORRECT

And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.
>> And it is not mandatory, but I don't understand why some people pay the church 10 % of their income. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113290 Do you think health care should be free? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 489
113289 If I have a Time ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 603
113288 10.26 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 0
113287 Travel Lover Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 547
113286 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 462
113285 10.25 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 0
113284 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 295
113283 Competition ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 377
113282 what are your favorite leisure sports? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 460
113281 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 422
113280 Please correct the sentence I made À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 635
113279 Skip breakfast ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113278 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 413
113277 Thank you ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 2
113276 dreamtime story À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 10
113275 4 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 364
113274 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 444
113273 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 598
113272 What culture in South Korea are you most proud of? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 0
113271 What do people usually do during the winter season there in... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 339

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04