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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

my opinion about religine.

작성자: 박*협
2021-11-17 283

회원님의 영작문

I have no religion. I believe in myself. I am faithful to my present life.
Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Evan:)

Religion is a good thing that unites people by faith. It's a personal choice as well. It depends on you on how you are going to interpret it. 

PS: I don't know if it is still happening now, the 10% contribution to the church. I hope it already stopped. Hahaha!

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I have no religion. 
>> CORRECT

I believe in myself. 
>> CORRECT

I am faithful to my present life.
>> CORRECT

Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
>> Although my parents have their religion, I still chose to not have one.

Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
>> CORRECT

For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
>> For people in difficult situations, religion can be helpful. This is through religious activities and meeting other people. This can make them feel more comfortable and relaxed. 

And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
>> And the good thing about having a religion is that many civilizations have emerged, not only in Korea, but also around the world. Many religious infrastructures are also built. 

In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
>> CORRECT

But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
>> CORRECT

And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.
>> And it is not mandatory, but I don't understand why some people pay the church 10 % of their income. 
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