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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

For Jisun Oral Test 3

작성자: 류*선
2021-11-18 501

회원님의 영작문

Introduction
Hi! My name is Jane, a management guru. Did you throw in the towel? Have you been thinking of the worst-case scenario on your business? or do you think that you drop the ball? No worries. I’m here to tell you all about insight and the best strategy. By virtue of today’s speech, you can manage and get your coffee shop business right. It’s understandable you think it is almost impossible to bring your company back to life. However, if you trust me when I say, you will be in a league of your own throughout your business.
Today’s speech format is “a problem and a solution.”
Ideas about repairing company culture
Problem1 - Lack of managing employees
Solution for problem 1. To get the ball rolling, we need a manager at each coffee shop who has the ability to care for employees mentally. Employees get the runaround by customers. They do need care from someone first so that hit it out of the park.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Nice work, Jane! I think you could share more effective business strategies. I can't wait to read the next one!-Faith-
Introduction
>> CORRECT
Hi! 
>> CORRECT
My name is Jane, a management guru. 
>> CORRECT
Did you throw in the towel? 
>> Have you thrown in the towel on your business?
Have you been thinking of the worst-case scenario on your business? 
>> Have you been thinking of the worst-case scenario in your business? 
or do you think that you drop the ball? 
>> Or do you think that you drop the ball? 
No worries. 
OR It's time to get rid of your worries.
I’m here to tell you all about insight and the best strategy. 
>> I’m here to tell you all about my insights and the best strategies. 
By virtue of today’s speech, you can manage and get your coffee shop business right. 
>> CORRECT
OR By virtue of today’s presentation, you can manage and get your coffee shop business going right. 
It’s understandable you think it is almost impossible to bring your company back to life. 
>> It’s understandable if you think that it is almost impossible to bring your company back to life. 
However, if you trust me when I say, you will be in a league of your own throughout your business.
>> However, trust me when I say you will be in a league of your own throughout your business.
Today’s speech format is “a problem and a solution.”
>> CORRECT
OR Today’s presentation has two main points: a problem and a solution.
Ideas about repairing company culture
>> Here are some ideas about repairing company culture:
Problem1 - Lack of managing employees
>> Problem 1 - Lack of Managing Employees
Solution for problem 
>> Solution to the Problem:
1. To get the ball rolling, we need a manager at each coffee shop who has the ability to care for employees mentally. 
>> 1. To get the ball rolling, we need a manager in each coffee shop who has the ability to take care of his/her employees' mental health. 
Employees get the runaround by customers. 
>> Sometimes, employees get the runaround from customers. 
They do need care from someone first so that hit it out of the park.
>> So, they do need to be cared by someone first so that they could hit it out of the park!
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