¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I think adopting pets are much better

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-11-19 457

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, adopting pets are much better than buying pets. I'll cite two reasons why my opinion is.
First, adopting pets can save our money. Pet shop wants to earn money, so they sell pets expensive prize. Adopting pets is free, and the result is same with buying pets.
Second, our feeling is better when we adopt pets than buy pets. It's because when we buy pets, we don't feel 'I rescued the pets!'. But adopting pets makes us proud.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You did a great job! You delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Keep it up! However, be careful with these words-price and prize. Price is the amount of money you have to pay for something while prize means award. 

-Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, adopting pets are much better than buying pets. 
>> In my opinion, adopting pets is much better than buying pets. 

I'll cite two reasons why my opinion is.
>> I'll cite two reasons why this is my opinion.

First, adopting pets can save our money. 
>> This is a good sentence.

Pet shop wants to earn money, so they sell pets expensive prize. 
>> Pet shops want to earn money, so they sell pets at a higher price.
 
Adopting pets is free, and the result is same with buying pets.
>> Adopting pets is free, and the result is the same as buying pets.

Second, our feeling is better when we adopt pets than buy pets. 
>> Second, our feeling is much better when we adopt pets than when we buy pets. 

It's because when we buy pets, we don't feel 'I rescued the pets!'.
>> It's because when we buy pets, we don't feel, "I rescued these pets!"

 But adopting pets makes us proud.
>> However, adopting pets makes us proud.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115542 Why do you think people equate healthy to being thin? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 5
115541 Time for Book ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 471
115540 2022.1.12 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 644
115539 2022.1.11 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 686
115538 Tell something about Jinju. ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-13 1309
115537 What are the advantages of technology? Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 487
115536 Can you give me one superstition in South Korea? Explain in... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 416
115535 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1359
115534 What advice would you give someone who is very busy? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1718
115533 Do you think learning how to play an instrument is important?... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1100
115532 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 737
115531 What are you think about advantages of technology? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1503
115530 Comfort food ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115529 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 561
115528 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115527 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 526
115526 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 624
115525 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 861
115524 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115523 Do you make an effort to buy locally produced goods? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 499

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04