¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I think adopting pets are much better

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-11-19 276

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, adopting pets are much better than buying pets. I'll cite two reasons why my opinion is.
First, adopting pets can save our money. Pet shop wants to earn money, so they sell pets expensive prize. Adopting pets is free, and the result is same with buying pets.
Second, our feeling is better when we adopt pets than buy pets. It's because when we buy pets, we don't feel 'I rescued the pets!'. But adopting pets makes us proud.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You did a great job! You delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Keep it up! However, be careful with these words-price and prize. Price is the amount of money you have to pay for something while prize means award. 

-Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, adopting pets are much better than buying pets. 
>> In my opinion, adopting pets is much better than buying pets. 

I'll cite two reasons why my opinion is.
>> I'll cite two reasons why this is my opinion.

First, adopting pets can save our money. 
>> This is a good sentence.

Pet shop wants to earn money, so they sell pets expensive prize. 
>> Pet shops want to earn money, so they sell pets at a higher price.
 
Adopting pets is free, and the result is same with buying pets.
>> Adopting pets is free, and the result is the same as buying pets.

Second, our feeling is better when we adopt pets than buy pets. 
>> Second, our feeling is much better when we adopt pets than when we buy pets. 

It's because when we buy pets, we don't feel 'I rescued the pets!'.
>> It's because when we buy pets, we don't feel, "I rescued these pets!"

 But adopting pets makes us proud.
>> However, adopting pets makes us proud.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113827 the best way to quit smoking ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-13 1
113826 Why do people feel like it\'s mandatory to attend year-end... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-13 2
113825 Sports for women ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 335
113824 What male appearance is attractive to you? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 349
113823 Do you consider appearance when you choose a friend? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 180
113822 Forgive ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 265
113821 What is the best art for you? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 1
113820 Appointment ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 314
113819 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 232
113818 nap helps me to work in good vibe °­* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 6
113817 Kindly explain your family in your own words. Make at least 6 or... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 0
113816 Who do you think is the best South Korean politician? Explain... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 0
113815 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 193
113814 Homework ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 236
113813 What career opportunities are there for the younger generation... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 726
113812 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 308
113811 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 299
113810 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 327
113809 1112 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 304
113808 Respect ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-12 334

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04