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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

As we grow older, we need to have more time for recreation and sleep.

작성자: 선*
2021-11-24 327

회원님의 영작문

I totally agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older. Our body functions are also getting older, so we need to fix them or give them more time to recover every day. To do so, what can we do? I think we have to save more time of the day for enjoying. To enjoy life, we don’t need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves. Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, or religious life, etc. We need to find what makes us happy, or what I would like to do the most right now. Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or our dreams is not that as fast as younger generations, we can accomplish them according to our speed. However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we stop at the moment and take a rest without doing anything. Sometimes nothing doing can mean the best way to rebuild me and cheer me up. Life is not that short.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Sun Jung! Thank you for taking the time to share this. You were able to use good expressions. Excellent! 

Please take note of the corrections. 

- Debbie


I totally agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older.
>> I agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older. 

Our body functions are also getting older, so we need to fix them or give them more time to recover every day. 
>> This is a good sentence.

To do so, what can we do? 
>> This is a good sentence.

I think we have to save more time of the day for enjoying.
>> I think we have to spend more time enjoying ourselves.

 To enjoy life, we don’t need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves.
>>  To enjoy life, we don’t just need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves.

 Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, or religious life, etc. 
>>  Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, worshipping, etc. 

We need to find what makes us happy, or what I would like to do the most right now. 
>> We need to find what makes us happy or what we would like to do the most right now. 

Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or our dreams is not that as fast as younger generations, we can accomplish them according to our speed.
>> Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or dreams is not as fast as the younger generation's, we can accomplish them according to our pace.

 However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we stop at the moment and take a rest without doing anything.
>> However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we need stop for a moment and take a rest.

 Sometimes nothing doing can mean the best way to rebuild me and cheer me up.
>> Sometimes doing nothing can be the best way to rebuild and cheer ourselves up.

 Life is not that short.
>> This is a good sentence.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
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