¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

As we grow older, we need to have more time for recreation and sleep.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼±*
2021-11-24 376

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older. Our body functions are also getting older, so we need to fix them or give them more time to recover every day. To do so, what can we do? I think we have to save more time of the day for enjoying. To enjoy life, we don¡¯t need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves. Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, or religious life, etc. We need to find what makes us happy, or what I would like to do the most right now. Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or our dreams is not that as fast as younger generations, we can accomplish them according to our speed. However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we stop at the moment and take a rest without doing anything. Sometimes nothing doing can mean the best way to rebuild me and cheer me up. Life is not that short.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Sun Jung! Thank you for taking the time to share this. You were able to use good expressions. Excellent! 

Please take note of the corrections. 

- Debbie


I totally agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older.
>> I agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older. 

Our body functions are also getting older, so we need to fix them or give them more time to recover every day. 
>> This is a good sentence.

To do so, what can we do? 
>> This is a good sentence.

I think we have to save more time of the day for enjoying.
>> I think we have to spend more time enjoying ourselves.

 To enjoy life, we don¡¯t need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves.
>>  To enjoy life, we don¡¯t just need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves.

 Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, or religious life, etc. 
>>  Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, worshipping, etc. 

We need to find what makes us happy, or what I would like to do the most right now. 
>> We need to find what makes us happy or what we would like to do the most right now. 

Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or our dreams is not that as fast as younger generations, we can accomplish them according to our speed.
>> Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or dreams is not as fast as the younger generation's, we can accomplish them according to our pace.

 However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we stop at the moment and take a rest without doing anything.
>> However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we need stop for a moment and take a rest.

 Sometimes nothing doing can mean the best way to rebuild me and cheer me up.
>> Sometimes doing nothing can be the best way to rebuild and cheer ourselves up.

 Life is not that short.
>> This is a good sentence.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112510 Sorry for the last class ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112509 10.04 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 0
112508 Homework ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 472
112507 Way that I value other\'s time ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 677
112506 Where do you go? ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112505 How often do you go to the doctor? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 614
112504 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 560
112503 What kind of business do you think would be successful during... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 0
112502 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 544
112501 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 455
112500 10.4 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 2
112499 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 734
112498 What souvenir from other countries do you bring back to Korea? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 2
112497 I will make more coll paper-build robot!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 513
112496 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 0
112495 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 443
112494 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 3
112493 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 3
112492 If i could be reincarnated.. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 427
112491 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1165

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04