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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Some people believe that parents should deal with bad behavior of their children. While others says

작성자: 황*하
2021-11-25 353

회원님의 영작문

The law is created by law makers after longstanding debate among social members to regulate their behavior. This is the minimum rules people have to follow. If they don't keep it, there will be serious social problem that might cause social collapse. However, every situation aren't able to be involved in the law due to varieties of life. Furthermore, there is special law for adolescent which is stated that teenagers who are 10 to 14 years old can't be punished by the law because they don't construct their personalities and responsibilities yet. Our law consider as the ones who don't know what justice is yet. That's why home discipline is the important factor to shape them. A baby grow up by imitating everything their parents do from speaking to behavior, hence, parents must take a greater role in shaping their children's future regarding moral behavior. Although, most people know the importance of home discipline, it's really hard for them to follow right method due to busy life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi MR. HWANG~! ^^ Thanks for today! Weekends are always the highlight of our week, that is why we love to share with others the amazing things we did. Have a good one!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The law is created by law makers after longstanding debate among social members to regulate their behavior. 
>>> The law is created by the law makers after a longstanding debate among social members to regulate their behavior. 
This is the minimum rules people have to follow. 
>>> These are the least rules people have to follow. 
If they don't keep it, there will be a serious social problem that might cause social collapse. 
>>>CORRECT
However, every situation aren't able to be involved in the law due to varieties of life. 
>>> However, every circumstance isn't able to be involved in the law due to various ways of life. 
Furthermore, there is special law for adolescent which is stated that teenagers who are 10 to 14 years old can't be punished by the law because they don't construct their personalities and responsibilities yet. 
>>> Furthermore, there is a special law for adolescent which is stated that teenagers who are 10 to 14 years old can't be punished by the law because they haven't constructed their personalities and responsibilities yet. 
Our law consider as the ones who don't know what justice is yet.
>>> Our law considers those who don't know what justice is.
 That's why home discipline is an important factor to shape them.
>>>CORRECT
 A baby grow up by imitating everything their parents do from speaking to behavior, hence, parents must take a greater role in shaping their children's future regarding moral behavior.
>>>  A baby grows up by imitating everything their parents do from speaking to their behavior, hence, parents must take a greater role in shaping their children's future regarding moral behavior.
 Although, most people know the importance of home discipline, it's really hard for them to follow the right method due to their busy life.
>>>CORRECT
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