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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Customer realtionship

작성자: 이*민
2021-11-26 147

회원님의 영작문

My boss wants to do value selling. However, value sales are very difficult in Korea. Because our country is small. We have 45 university hospitals and 200 general hospitals and thousands of clinics. I think, your country is bigger than our country. so your country market is bigger than us too. and our product is for university and general hospital. so market is very small. if I visit this hospitals per 1 year, maybe I will visit all. however our sales team consist of 5 persons. so we have to divide this hospitals, then it will be decreased to visit hospital per person.
that is our situation. I think, we need best relationship with this customers. I have a good relationship with customer and our competitor also have a relation with same customer. but when it is decision time, who was a good relationship with customer, we know.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Andrew!

Happy Monday! See you in our class in a bit ^^

T. DON

My boss wants to do value selling.
>> CORRECT

However, value sales are very difficult in Korea. Because our country is small.
>> However, value sales are very difficult in Korea because our country is small.

We have 45 university hospitals and 200 general hospitals and thousands of clinics.
>> CORRECT

I think, your country is bigger than our country. so your country market is bigger than us too. and our product is for university and general hospital. so market is very small.
>> I think your country is bigger than our country  so your country's hospital market is bigger than us and our products are for university and general hospital so the market is very small.

If I visit this hospitals per 1 year, maybe I will visit all. however our sales team consist of 5 persons. so we have to divide this hospitals, then it will be decreased to visit hospital per person.
>> If I visit these hospitals per year, maybe I will visit all of them. However, our sales team consists of 5 people, so we have to divide these hospitals, then it will be lesser for the sales team to visit these hospitals per person.

that is our situation. I think, we need best relationship with this customers. I have a good relationship with customer and our competitor also have a relation with same customer. but when it is decision time, who was a good relationship with customer, we know.
>> That is our current situation now. I think, we need the best relationship with these customers. I have a good relationship with customers and our competitors also have a relationship with the customers that I have but when it is time for the customers to make a decision,  who has a better and closer relationship,  we know it.
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