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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

hi, teacher.

작성자: 조*현
2021-11-28 327

회원님의 영작문



do you agree or disagree with the following statement?As people get older, their personalities change. Use details and example to explain your answer.answer:I agree that people get older, their personalities change..First of all,people are getting order, their environmenthas become different with youger age's environment. If someone who is a student, she is just study well, and meet very friendly people.But, someone who has worked very hard get stressed out with someone's boss. Every day, someone doesn't like colleagues and boss, she or he might have bad personality like me. To be more specific, if they were students,they are just with their friends very friendly, but they have another way, they will change their mind or some way of thinking. Second, they have different situation.For example, she became mother, and she has two dauthers. So, she never uses bad words and good thinking with children.Although she was not a good thinker, and sound.For these two reasons, I totally agree wi

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon! 

Please take note of the corrections/ suggestions below: 

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? As people get older, their personalities change. Use details and example to explain your answer.

Your Answer: I agree that people get older, their personalities change.. First of all,people are getting order, their environmenthas become different with youger age's environment. If someone who is a student, she is just study well, and meet very friendly people.But, someone who has worked very hard get stressed out with someone's boss. Every day, someone doesn't like colleagues and boss, she or he might have bad personality like me. To be more specific, if they were students,they are just with their friends very friendly, but they have another way, they will change their mind or some way of thinking. Second, they have different situation.For example, she became mother, and she has two dauthers. So, she never uses bad words and good thinking with children.Although she was not a good thinker, and sound.For these two reasons, I totally agree wi

>> I agree that as people get older, their personalities change. First of all, when people become older, their environment becomes different with that of a younger person's environment. If someone is a student, she is preoccupied with studying and meeting new people, but for someone who is already working, they sometimes feel stressed out with their bosses. It is challenging to like colleagues and bosses with different personality with mine. Each person has his/her own specific situation. 

----

I love the ideas that you shared in your answer. Just improve how you organize your thoughts into sentences to express your ideas fully. :) 

Have a great day ahead! :) 

~T. Miya^^
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