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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do humans have the right to hunt and kill animals? Why do you say so?

작성자: 선*
2021-11-30 312

회원님의 영작문

Yes, I think so. From the bible, God allows us to be free of eating anything other than one fruit in the middle of the garden. That’s why we humans survive over history from hunters-gathers to technological societies. Have you heard food chain? We live in systematic structures which looks like a pyramid. It means the highest one has the most power to control the system, and it is invincible in the food chain. If we let animals coexist in the same stage as us, animals can conquer us and take over our place in the food chain. It leads to them having the right to kill and hunt humans.
Though we don’t eat animal meats, we neuter animals to reduce the number of animals. In this case, do we need to ask animals whether they would like to be neutered or not? Nobody doesn’t do that. We take the animals to the vet and let animals be neutered. I think animals cannot be humans, so we don’t need to treat animals as human beings. Animals are animals.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Sun Jung!  Thank you for doing your homework.  You have answered the question appropriately.  Remember to use pronouns to replace nouns in your sentences though.


- Debbie


Yes, I think so. 
>>  This is a good sentence.

From the bible, God allows us to be free of eating anything other than one fruit in the middle of the garden. 
>> In the Bible, God allows us to eat freely other than the fruit in the middle of the garden.

That’s why we humans survive over history from hunters-gathers to technological societies.
>> That's why we, humans, evolved from being hunter-gatherers to builders of technological societies.

Have you heard food chain? 
>> Have you heard of a food chain?

We live in systematic structures which looks like a pyramid.
>>  We live in a systematic structure that looks like a pyramid.

It means the highest one has the most power to control the system, and it is invincible in the food chain.
>> The one on top has the most power to control the system and is invincible in the food chain.

If we let animals coexist in the same stage as us, animals can conquer us and take over our place in the food chain. 
>> If we let animals coexist in the same stage, they could conquer us and take over our place in the food chain. 

It leads to them having the right to kill and hunt humans.
>> They could hunt and kill humans.

Though we don’t eat animal meats, we neuter animals to reduce the number of animals. 
>> Though we don’t eat meat, we neuter animals to reduce their number.

In this case, do we need to ask animals whether they would like to be neutered or not?
>> In this case, do we need to ask them whether they would like to be neutered or not?

 Nobody doesn’t do that. 
>> Nobody does that.

We take the animals to the vet and let animals be neutered.
>> We take them to a vet and let them be neutered.

 I think animals cannot be humans, so we don’t need to treat animals as human beings. 
>> I think animals cannot be humans, so we don't need to treat them as human beings.

Animals are animals.
>>  This is a good sentence.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

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03
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