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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think parents must set time limits for their children to use mobile applications? What type o

작성자: 황*하
2021-11-30 301

회원님의 영작문

It is the most serious problem that children have these days. The amount of screen time that teenagers spend every day is a lot. Children easily don't feel bored using devices due to a lot of contents such as games, videos and comic books. Many parents have concern of restriction. There are many ways to limit children's data consumption. However, children can use WI-FI in most places, even in public transportation. I am not sure if restriction works for juveniles, although parents manage their children's data packages. Nevertheless, it has a problem to manage data usages, I agree to set time limits for them because there are a lot of side effects, if children use mobile devices too much time. They might have psychological disease due to virtual spaces on the internet. It is also possible that children can't tell what is real life. In conclusion, It is essential to restrict time for children to keep their health.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang! I'm sorry about yesterday! I was having migraine and couldn't sleep well the other night so I decided to take a leave! Anyway, I know you always enjoy your time with a substitute teacher!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
It is the most serious problem that children have these days.
>>> CORRECT
 The amount of screen time that teenagers spend every day is a lot. 
>>>  The time spend by teenagers on their screen is too much. 
Children easily don't feel bored using devices due to a lot of contents such as games, videos and comic books.
>>> CORRECT
 Many parents have concerns of restriction. 
>>> CORRECT
There are many ways to limit children's data consumption.
>>> CORRECT
 However, children can use WI-FI in most places, even in public transportation.
>>> CORRECT
 I am not sure if restriction works for juveniles, although parents manage their children's data packages.
>>> CORRECT
 Nevertheless, it has a problem to manage data usages, I agree to set time limits for them because there are a lot of side effects, if children use mobile devices too much.
>>> CORRECT
 They might have psychological diseases due to virtual spaces on the internet. 
>>> CORRECT
It is also possible that children can't tell what is real life. 
>>> CORRECT
In conclusion, It is essential to restrict time for children to keep their health.
>>> In conclusion, it is essential to restrict  the time of mobile use for children to keep their health.
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[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

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지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

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01
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02
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
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04

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