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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What has been the most rewarding experience of your career thus far?

작성자: 문*현
2021-11-30 408

회원님의 영작문

Retaining 40 subscribers per month at Dow Jones’ customer service team was the most rewarding event. It was the most fulfilling experience because I increased the customer base to 80% and was awarded four times from the headquarter. The high retention rate was possible from segmenting the customer base. Since the team covered the APAC region with different cultures, it was hard for the subscribers to respond to the standard retention strategy from the U.S. Accordingly, I categorized each country based on their preference. Alongside this, communication skill was crucial. It was important not to push subscribers to the red line to forge a long-term relationship. Therefore, I tried to read customers’ intentions from voice tone, word choices, and breathing patterns. From this experience, I learned attentiveness, analytical mindset, and communication skills which I would like to contribute as a sales associate.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thanks once again for this Aciel! Good luck today.

Retaining 40 subscribers per month at Dow Jones’ customer service team was the most rewarding event. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: Retaining 40 subscribers per month at Dow Jones’ customer service team was my most rewarding achievement.   
It was the most fulfilling experience because I increased the customer base to 80% and was awarded four times from the headquarter. 
>>> correct 
>>> OR: It was the most fulfilling experience because I have increased the initial customer rate to 80% and was awarded four times by the headquarter. 
The high retention rate was possible from segmenting the customer base. 
>>>  correct  
Since the team covered the APAC region with different cultures, it was hard for the subscribers to respond to the standard retention strategy from the U.S. 
>>> correct   
Accordingly, I categorized each country based on their preference. 
>>> correct 
Alongside this, communication skill was crucial. 
>>> correct   
It was important not to push subscribers to the red line to forge a long-term relationship. 
>>> correct   
Therefore, I tried to read customers’ intentions from voice tone, word choices, and breathing patterns. 
>>> correct 
From this experience, I learned attentiveness, analytical mindset, and communication skills which I would like to contribute as a sales associate.
>>> correct  

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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