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Jane\'s Oral Presentation 1

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2021-12-02 357

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1. My parents believe that art and music classes are essential subjects in the school curriculum. Students should be equipped with diverse classes to be better people in society. Also, they should be instilled with the value of beauty through various fields of education. Students have to be taught art and music so that they are able to produce a sense of creativity, new values, motivation, and inspiration when they become adults who are core workers and are involved in society. Thus, schools have to keep art and music classes in the school curriculum.
2. Education in art and music shouldn¡¯t be only for affluent families. All students should be equally able to have access to those subjects from school. If we remove art and music classes at school, parents who can¡¯t afford after-school classes will face the harsh reality and confrontation of their children¡¯s education. Some may say it is an intangible investment for education. But it is deeply tangible in their spirit and soul.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

You have a beautiful topic, Jane! Finally, you are almost done with your English program. I am proud of you!-Faith-
1. My parents believe that art and music classes are essential subjects in the school curriculum. 
>> CORRECT
Students should be equipped with diverse classes to be better people in society. 
>> CORRECT
OR Students should be equipped with diverse subject matters to become responsible citizens in society.
Also, they should be instilled with the value of beauty through various fields of education. 
>> Also, the value of beauty through various fields of education should be instilled in them.
OR In addition, aesthetic appreciation through various fields of education should be instilled in them.
Students have to be taught art and music so that they are able to produce a sense of creativity, new values, motivation, and inspiration when they become adults who are core workers and are involved in society. 
>> Students have to be taught art and music to develop sense of creativity, new values, motivation, and inspiration when they become adults who are core workers and are members of society. 
Thus, schools have to keep art and music classes in the school curriculum.
>> CORRECT
OR These benefits should be enough reasons to retain such classes in the school curriculum.
2. Education in art and music shouldn¡¯t be only for affluent families. 
>> CORRECT
OR Art and music education shouldn't only be the privilege of the upper class.
All students should be equally able to have access to those subjects from school. 
>> All students should be equally capable to access those subjects from school. 
If we remove art and music classes at school, parents who can¡¯t afford after-school classes will face the harsh reality and confrontation of their children¡¯s education. 
>> If we remove them from school, parents who can¡¯t afford after-school classes will face the harsh reality and confrontation of their children¡¯s education. 
Some may say it is an intangible investment for education. 
>> CORRECT
But it is deeply tangible in their spirit and soul.
>> CORRECT
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